DENVER OF THE EAST - What looked to be another editorial news story in this week's News @ Norman has turned out to be 100% completely accurate. While some were doubting star news reporter Duke Norman's credibility on issues like the East Lincoln Fire Department, he whammied all doubters with his deep investigative journalism techniques by using what some have called a "Vulcan Mind-Meld" to conduct interviews with members of the East Lincoln Fire Department Board as well as the County Commissioners.

While it was not a shock for him to conduct interviews with some commissioners because some are believed to be from outer space anyway, it was a suprise to see the depths of information Norman had collected to cast doubt about ELFD's PIO Jason Saine's involvement in a controversial email.

Denver - According to reliable services, the big "5" recently met have decided to endorse incorporation efforts that were once thought to be dead. The name of the town is going to be "West Great Lake".

The "5" recently reversed their decision due to pressure applied by the largest media outlet between Pilot Knob Road and Highway 16.

The effort has built a great bit of steam recently when state Representative Joe Kiser pulled the monkey off his back and gave it to Tom Anderson.

Denver - In what may be the undoing of a long and undistinguished career in public service, NotNews@Norman has learned from several sources that Mayor Duke Norman may have acted in his own self interest when he proposed an “anti” sign ordinance.

Norman apparently has for years been a silent majority partner in a print media advertising business and used his influence to push his local ordinance, “Ordinance 5150”, that made punishable by death any outdoor advertising on roadways. Several local lemonade stands are now out of business because the small businesses could only afford “small media” outlets like signage and word of mouth.

Norman, who repeatedly proclaimed that he was “for the little guy” and the community, apparently stands to benefit from the silencing of his advertising competition. When asked why he had not disclosed his involvement in “Big Media”, Norman refused to comment and mumbled something about illegal aliens that no one could really understand.

Denver - Local potheads seem to be confused about what has become a Denver tradition. The annual fall festival, “Denver Days”, has received a number of complaints by some local 60’s radicals who are upset that when they look at signs advertising the festival they see large rabbits and the orange colors on the sign are so bright that it burns their eyes.

Even Mayor Norman has had some problems with the signs proclaiming: “If you stare long enough at them, they move. I don’t know if this is some new fangled advertising gimmick, but it has to be against the sign ordinance.”

Still, thousands of others have no confusion about the festival and plan to enjoy the weekend long festivities.

Thumbs Down To: To county staff for not posting more signs about the sign ordinance. It seems as though we are not communicating the need for enforcement enough. More signs would better inform people of the code.

Thumbs Down To: Developers who continue to leave mud on roadways. Our research indicates that the Fire Department has lots of hose and water, let them wash it off.

Besides, work trucks are unsightly.

Thumbs Up To: Us. No other newspaper and no one else cares about how many awards we win.